Classified Advertising
As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips:
- Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
- A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
- Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
- For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
- For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
- Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
- Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
- Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
- Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
- We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
- No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
- For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
- For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.
- 7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings.
- Great Dames for sale.
- Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
- Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
- 20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.
- Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
- Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
- If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
- Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
- The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
- Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
- Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
- Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
- Stock up and save. Limit: one.
- Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
- We build bodies that last a lifetime.
- Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last .
- This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.
- For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
- For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
- Man, honest. Will take anything.
- Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
- Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
- Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
- Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
- Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
- Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.
- Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
- Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
- 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
- Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
- Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
- Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
- See ladies blouses. 50% off!
- Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.
- Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.
- Illiterate? Write today for free help.
- Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
- Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
- Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
- Mother's helper--peasant working conditions.
- Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
- And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
- We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
And these beauties from the radio:
- Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.
- Be with us again next Saturday at 10 p.m. for "High Fidelity," designed to help music lovers increase their reproduction.
- When you are thirsty, try 7-Up,the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and u-p after.
- Tune in next week for another series of classical music programs from the Canadian Broadcorping Castration.
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